Tale Tues: The Anatomy of a Toaster

Guess what! It’s winter break!

You know, that week in the dead of February when for some dang reason kids don’t have to attend school. So their parents can skyjack them off  to warmer climates. Bermuda! Jamaica! Florida! The Bahamas!

I feel sorry for these poor families (hardly “poor,” really…. Deluded?).

I mean, the toll it must take on the winter anatomy having to acclimate to balmy weather for just one week! Ever think how your kidneys and liver might feel about this? Your bones that suddenly are forced into a full-blown thaw?

Never mind the acclimation of actually having to sweat in February. But in preparation for this acclimation, moms have to dig out bathing suits and shorts, for goodness sake’s, from storage bins, only to have to restore them all – it’s not going to be actually summer, you know, when they return to their chilly houses.

And whatever tan they might acquire will be a waste of healthy skin cells, unless they’re so vein as to wear a tank tops when it’s sleeting out.

And what does one don on a plane to these steamy climates, where you taxi off a runway in 28 degrees to land in 85-plus? That tank top? Under a turtleneck? Under a fleece sweater? As if prone to hot flashes?

And what confusion it must stir in the winter soul to disembark that plane, to palm trees; obscenely large and flamboyant flowers in bloom; pineapples fresher off trees than off the 2-for-1 sale at Stop & Shop! Where you might actually sweat (even as you’ve already stripped down to that tank top) merely waiting for a taxi to whisk you off to your fountain-adorned resort. Atlantis! Where you can pool-hop all day long until your flip-flopped feet are blistered, and you pull back muscles inner-tubing down watery roller-coaster things.

This year, winter break is cut short because we lost too may days to blizzards and hurricanes, but still “poor” innocent children are being pulled from their classes, forced onto planes to these more clement regions,where nary a cloud would stain flawless blue skies. Only to be deluded into thinking winter is actually waning.

“Angela is going to the Bahamas,” Little Bro laments.

Little Bro is in the girls-are-gross stage, so why should he care.

And I remind him that he doesn’t like Bahama heat. Last summer, when we took the Bahama Disney cruise (a once in a life-time expedition that we’ll be paying off for the rest of our middle-age years if not lives), he actually wanted to get off the 104 degree Disney Island and retreat back to the air-conditioned ship. (Yes, there are those who would argue against a Disney cruise in July; but it’s a lot easier on the anatomy to adjust from 90 degrees to 100 degree plus than from below-freezing).

So perhaps my boys will be the only lucky ones left to show up in class the rest of this week – to play double solitaire with their teachers who don’t want to teach to otherwise empty desks.

What these “poor” families don’t realize is what they’re missing out on by staying put, in these frigid mid-winter climates, where the wind howls outside as I write: You can make a far less costly (and less anatomy if not mentally taxing) road trip to Gramma’s house to “tinker.”

Yes tinker!  When my boys aren’t immersed in the digital world of Minecraft, they play like Steve Jobs in his garage, who took apart radios and televisions.

Except at Gramma’s it’s old remote controls:

And old toasters:

This is what you miss in balmy climates with fresh fruit, teal seas, and outrageous fauna. Getting to examine the anatomy of a toaster:

It would have been the anatomy of old phones Gramma had saved since the 80s if I hadn’t been dumb enough to sneak the box away, (along with every old box in the attic saved from every appliance she’d ever bought) to toss out.

And when you’re not tinkering or playing (i.e. big Bro blowing up Little Bro’s house so he cries) on Minecraft, you can watch the antics of your pup poodle tossing around a pair of Gramma’s underwear he’d dug out of the hamper.

A word of caution to you smarter souls who don’t escape to warmer climates, but don’t want your children spending every waking moment on computer games because all their friends are away somewhere warm: save not only all those old phones, but archaic radios and old cumbersome non-flat screened TVs. Because once you’ve taken apart the toasters and remote controls, you might still have too much time on your hands to feel guilty about wishing they were back in school.

I’m sorry we just threw out our old microwave.

P.S. Still time to link up with Old-Post Resurrection Hop!


About Sandra

Author;editor of The Woven Tale Press at thewoventalepress.net; mother; weaver
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20 Responses to Tale Tues: The Anatomy of a Toaster

  1. I love your statement, “You can make a far less costly (and less anatomy if not mentally taxing) road trip to Gramma’s house to “tinker”.”
    There’s always a good reason to visit Grandma! I love playing in the garden with my granddaughters and hopefully teaching them some new skills. I love fishing and watching cartoons with my grandson. Grandchildren are always a delight! 🙂
    Good article!

  2. You tell great stories. Here in Texas we don’t get a winter break – just at Christmas/New Years. It’s pretty unusually warm here, and so I’m wishing for some cold weather so it will kill all the bugs!!! Okay, toasters, uh? Let’s see, I clean mine out all the time, and so now I’m intrigued to see what it’s all made of!!! I bet my 3 year old would be too! NOT!

    Thank you for linking up at Tuesday’s Thoughtful Comments. I hope you enjoyed your stay and that you’ll come back next week to link up your awesome blog post. Have A Happy Day.
    Kim at Mommie…Again

    http://www.mommieagain.com/2013/02/tuesdays-thoughtful-comments-blog-hop_18.html

  3. Michele says:

    You have a definite point there–going from the frigid cold of a NY winter to the balmy warmth of say Florida would definitely throw my body off!! Noe the snow birds have the right idea–they leave before the first frost and come back when the warm summer breezes are blowing and the hyacinths are in bloom~!

  4. Amy Morgan says:

    Love it! There is NOTHING like a child on a mission to de-construct! 🙂 Hope the rest of the break goes smoothly!

  5. hahaha – never been to Disney land anywhere, not to mention somewhere as verbally exotic as the Bahamas. But I did get to take the boys to Grandma’s house in Colorado for a family reunion in I think it was November or December. I honestly don’t remember anymore exactly. The point is, it was -20 here and substantially warmer there. Fortunately it was still winter there so dressing warm wasn’t all that much of an issue.
    Make a similar trip many years later myself and for a very different reason. March I think was the month and somewhere around 0 as I recall. However, in Colorado, in March, summer was well underway. Needless to say, I was WAY overdressed for the trip and didn’t have any place to stow my extra layers. My sister and I orbited Denver International Airport like 3 times before I tried to call her and then I waited for her to find me. I probably smelled like a locker room by the time I got into the car. I also took a very welcome cold shower when we finally got to her house. hahahahaha

  6. Marga says:

    Love your article! Here in the Netherlands, kids are out of school as well this week. My small grandkids will be going to a nearby tropical swimming pool, together with mom and grandma. Just as much fun as visiting the Bahamas… and so much less stressful. We’ll have a blast!

  7. Tea says:

    Now I realize that all these years of me scowling and telling the kids that their friends aren’t actually luckier than they are was actually true.
    I took my kids to DisneyWorld one spring break- and they spent the entire week in the pool, which we could have done at a local hotel for many thousands of dollars less.
    Next time we go, they’re footing the bill.

  8. Linda says:

    My younger boys don’t get a winter break, although my daughter does. Being on different schedules, nobody is going anywhere. I considered a cruise this summer, but have rethought it after watching 20/20 several days ago. I prefer land! Oh, yes, Matthew and David are knee deep into Minecraft too. Thank God for Legos and books! This was really a great blog, Sandra!

    • Sandra says:

      Minecraft seems to be the new Legos. They won’t touch the real ones! At least it’s a fairly creative game, they get to build etc. Because my boys are less knee deep more like waist high in it:)

  9. Mama G says:

    Great post! We don’t even go anywhere hot on our summer holiday so… meh. I think my sons would forego Disneyland at the moment, they’re so into Minecraft!

    Following from the UK via the MTM Mixer

    • Sandra says:

      Oh, Minecraft. I’ve been sick and non-vigilent about screen time so boys again have had free rein; one boy will walk away from it eventually. The other lives and breathes minecraft and even forgets snack time. While I wither away with a cold on the lounge and the dog shreds my tissues.

      • Mama G says:

        Would you think bad of me if I was laughing? Just you painted such a wonderful picture there… kids ignoring sick mother while dog goes mad with tissue. Love it, and sympathising with you at same time 🙂

        • Sandra says:

          If someone doesn’t laugh, we’ll all wind up crying. Mothers shouldn’t get sick. There should be a law. Because the world falls apart — or at least the house. Nevermind shredded tissues. I’ve been as negligent with the dog as with the boys so pup pooped on hall rug for daddy (non-dog lover) stepped in it and tracked it through the house. He has more feeling for the frog than the dog so it’s amazing this didn’t drive him out to go live in his car.

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