Tale Tuesday: Rabid Mommy’s Time Out

I’ve been resisting this urge to get on a train to I-don’t-care-where, just to stare out a window, into others’ backyards with their leafy above-ground pools, gritty grills, hammocks; where I don’t exist for them so they can ask nothing of me.

Instead I bought a bottle of Mommy’s Time Out:

You can see it’s now empty.

I’m sad.

Just so you know, I didn’t drink it all in one night. I started on the evening of the day when our gerbil Bochella chewed through the top of her water bottle.

Buying a new water bottle for an animal is not something you can put off until your next errand; unlucky for me, I had no errands planned for that one errand-free day.

“How can you be out of water bottles? What if there’s a thirsty gerbil? A mouse? A rabbit?”

This was the second pet supply store I had tried.  I was trying the local local stores first, as the boys are, by this time of summer animals themselves, rabid ones, within five minutes of being in the car. Their scrabbling gets worse the more we get in and out of the car. Especially now that one mini-van automatic door doesn’t work, as one fights to get out the other’s door.

So for this stop, I’d left them in the car. I could see them in between lost-cat posters in the pet-supply store window. They were rabidly clawing at each other.

I guess I was looking rabid myself, as the owner took a step backwards, nearly tripping over his own stacks of kitty litter no-scent boxes. “We’re out. So sorry.”

The owner of the previous store, having been the first to witness my rabid desperation, sent me here, to her competitor. Whom clearly she detested: “Don’t tell him I sent you. Please.” She’d turned away, to stroke the store’s cat, as if she were sending me to an ex-lover.

I was feeling too rabid now not to tell him: “Even that nice lady down the road. She doesn’t even have no water bottles.” I was reduced to using double-negatives, something I was glad my boys were not there to hear.

This guy had a goatee, tongue earring and snake tattoos up both arms. He looked more like he should be working in the creepy magic-slash-costume store where my youngest has begged me to take him for magic lessons, amongst mannequins bedecked in Vampire costumes.

She sent ya, ha?” He didn’t looked scared anymore. Only too satisfied.

Yes, she sent me pointlessly. And what if, besides thirsty small animals, you had rabid sick-of-summer children, like mine? Whom you’ve already dragged to Target and Staples to find the highlighters that one store didn’t have, or the crayons the other did? Sneaker shopping where they still run up and down the aisles like four-year-olds? For whom even mixing magic potions of baking soda, canola oil and food coloring in jars to scare off aliens had grown old?

Let’s just set some things straight. I adore my little monkeys (my boys), but after July 1 when my mother fell; then a 103-degree tropical cruise; then packing and repacking for our NH “vacation” where my son contracted the cocksackie virus; then home to face six hours with him in the emergency room …

Yes. I want school to start. I want my dull daily routine back.

Back to crisis water-bottle shopping: It was after this second store, that I stopped in the liquor store – well it was just next door.

Through our van window I signaled to the kids I’d be right back. They were too busy clawing each other to notice, so that bought me a few minutes.

To grab my favorite wine: Mommy’s Time out.

“Is that it?” the cashier guy asked without looking away from some game on the wall TV.

I was glad not to have one more person notice I might be rabid.

“That’s it,” I said. I’m done, I wanted to say. But now I had to go allllll the way down to Petco. Just next door  to Target and Staples and all the other mall shops I thought I was done with.

Of course I had to let the boys get out at Petco, as it is always a respite, with real animals, not just supplies. And we found a water bottle!

But then there were the ferrets.

“I really, really want a ferret,” Ryan crooned as he can at Game Stop when I refuse to buy him a brand new Mario at regular price.

“And I still want a parrot,” Kenny said, standing wistfully in front of a noisy cage of fluttering birds.

“Let’s look at gerbil toys!” I said, having no desire to return to old conversations  from a year ago, when we’d been trying to decide on a hypoallergenic pet, one Daddy would tolerate, and settled on our gerbils, Bochella and Rosey:

But I was in such a state, I too was susceptible to pet therapy – you know, when people come home with a dog and a cat on a whim. Though I was only looking at these dwarf hamsters I’d never seen before. Robos! So CUTE! I wanted one:

What’s a bottle of Mommy’s Time Out without a dwarf hamster?

I would find that out later, when I was finally able to drag us all out of there without new pets, only some ridiculously expensive chew tunnels for the gerbils.

The first time I bought Mommy’s Time Out, it was as a kind of gag gift for a mom friend, but it evidently was an old gag – every mom I knew had already drunk it. I mean, who wouldn’t at  $7.99? It’s actually not too bad; keeps well for a few days in the fridge, as you wouldn’t want to share it with anyone – per the pic on the label, you need to drink it alone in a corner staring at a wall (maybe this is where I would have preferred staring out a train window):

I didn’t get to drink it in a corner, (never mind on a train) and I wonder how many moms do. Maybe they’re like me, sneaking in a sip here and there, as I snuck the bottle into our cooler for a dinner beach picnic; Daddy would be home late, the clocked ticked too slow, and as tired as my boys might be of the beach (not one last rock they wanted to collect), it was the best place to wile away the last of summer evenings.

And where I was able to get a few Mommy-Time-Out sips in before too-bold gulls actually plucked hotdogs out of the thermos as swiftly as a fish from the bay; the boys got into a sand/mud fights; Ryan cut his foot on a shell.

But that sip was delicious.

And today the boys are actually back in school. Damn. The house is quiet….

This week’s Resurrection Blog Hop is up – link up, grab the code and breathe fire back into those old dusty posts!



About Sandra

Author;editor of The Woven Tale Press at thewoventalepress.net; mother; weaver
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18 Responses to Tale Tuesday: Rabid Mommy’s Time Out

  1. A really amusing post, but actually a bit scary! I couldn’t stand that kind of life! I hope a lot of it is exaggeration!

  2. I am so happy that you found your water bottle, resisted the dwarf hamsters, and GOT THOSE KIDS BACK IN SCHOOL. Holy God, we’ve been back in a month down here, and if we hadn’t, I’d have been driving them to school anyway and leaving them there with a note for passersby to teach them something to justify my negligence.

  3. I just entered the Post Resurrection Hop!

  4. Brenda says:

    Yikes, woman, you need a getaway. Here’s to calm seas ahead.

  5. Amy Morgan says:

    So I’ll have to check out my local wine ship for a Cabernet version of Mommy’s Time Out. (Does it count that my only one is already 24 years old and out of the house?) LOVE the chair facing the corner…so reminiscnet of those “time out” days. Turn about is always fair play! Sounds like an exciting days end to a much too adventurous summer…

    • Sandra says:

      Yes,that counts! Because you never stop worrying no matter how old your babies are. ( first I thought you meant you had a24 yr old bottle of old Mommy’s time out).

  6. Home schooling was my joy when my boys were that age. No pet allergies in our family so we always had cats and a dog. I really could have used a bottle or two of those spirits from time to time, but I had to satisfy myself with just getting out of sight once in a while. That wasn’t too easy most of the time; see my personal blog > http://AnnaOfAlaska.blogspot.com < All I can say is, the dogs generally lived to old age. The cats did too unless they hunted far afield, and then only the best returned. My boys, well, they survived. Now they're fine young men, so there's hope for yours too. haha

  7. Jenn says:

    I love wine!! That said, when I pop the cork– I usually throw it away cuz I’m going to finish any bottle of wine I open. Of course, I don’t get to drink that often (been since Feb this time) because I need a whole evening to drink and then a whole night /morning to recouperate. I don’t know moderation when it comes to wine!!

    So reading your post, I’m thinking– Sandra, just drink it!! Drink. The. Whole. Damn. Thing! I would have had to!! You’ve had enough stress this summer–seems it should last you until the grandkids come around!!

    I really enjoyed this summer with our kids. Fostering dogs was one of the best decisions I made…because all 7 of us took to walking together nearly everyday– and walking brought out conversation and it wore them out some (children and dogs). We just had a blast. I hate that they are back in school!!

    Cheers, Jenn

    • Sandra says:

      Wow, don’t know how you’ve held out since Feb! And I think the dog fostering thing is great. I wish we didn’t have allergies because pets are so important for kids. They provide many important life lessons.

  8. Kathy says:

    When you posted about your “vacation” I thought you needed a vacation to survive from that one. When your mom got sick, I prayed you would get a break. Now that I have read this, I realize a case of that Mommy Time Out would serve you well. Enjoy the silence of back to school. Hope things start to calm down and get a bit better.


    • Sandra says:

      Thanks, Kathy. I need another bottle. My oldest is already missing school! He has gastritis now from the virus which is worsened by his own anxiety about throwing up Nightmare.

  9. Cheri says:

    Dwarf hamsters? After a day like that, I’m not sure that I could’ve resisted something so adorable. 😉 Glad you were at least able to sneak a sip or two that day. And, eventually, to enjoy the entire bottle. I think you’re entitled.

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