Writing On Edge: The Experience

 

This is in response to choosing one, two, or all three to play with, but you only have 100 words.

[he/she/I] was devastated by […]

  1. [feeling] was experienced by […]
  2. [person/thing] was possessed by […

She was experiencing for the first time true loneliness. When each day drawn out by mere necessities: Getting out of bed. Getting dressed. Wrangling arthritic feet into uncomfortable shoes even though there was no where to go; she was too afraid of falling in her slippers. But by the afternoon, she was back on her bed. A loneliness so acute, she stared straight into it each evening out her window from where she still lay, sunken back in her pillows, her eyes watering from the last sharp stab of the sun’s light between darkening trees.

 


About Sandra

Author;editor of The Woven Tale Press at thewoventalepress.net; mother; weaver
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Writing On Edge: The Experience

  1. nelle says:

    Nice usage, good flash story and snippet of a life.

  2. Cameron says:

    So sad. That kind of aching taps into fears we all have, doesn’t it?

  3. Stacey says:

    I love the description in the last part of this. It really makes you feel how lonely she is.

    Part of the prompt was to write in active voice. In order to make the first sentence active voice instead of passive, it should read something like “She experienced true loneliness for the first time.”

  4. There is so much here. I’d like to see where this one can go, if you continue with this character.

  5. Gina says:

    Her loneliness and fear saddens me. It feels like reality, however, for some.

  6. The first part of the paragraph read a little shaky. But I love the imagery. You did a fantastic job with the prompt. And I love that last line: “the last sharp stab of the sun’s light between darkening trees.” is one of those phrases I’d wish I’d written. Well done!

  7. k~ says:

    This was an exercise that I will probably repeat a few times (on my own) so that it becomes second nature.

    It reminds me of people who age, without the benefit of family around them (or friends).

  8. The scene flashes before the eyes and her pain reaches out to us.

  9. That was wonderfully told. I could feel her physical aches along with her emotional ones.

  10. angela says:

    I think you do an excellent job capturing the melancholy and monotony of lonely, aimless days. The last line is simply gorgeous.

  11. Wisper says:

    Overall I think you did a beautiful job creating this scene. It illustrates her physical and emotional pain so well. I do agree with some of the previous comments that the first part feels like it could be tweaked a little. That being said, I think it comes together and hits it dead on (pardon the pun) at the end. Well done!

  12. Sadly but reality, loneliness is killing!

Comments are closed.